Old Friends

Today I ran into someone I haven't seen in quite some time. She used to play a large part in my life but then things happened, bad things that I will never talk about on here (sorry), and I went into a hole.  She didn't like it when I fell into this pit of despair, she tried to talk me out, to pep me up, insisting things weren't as bad as they seemed. I hated her and her stupid positive attitude. So much so that when she would come near, I shunned her, ignored her, driving her away. And then one day she just sort of disappeared.

When I eventually realized she was gone, I felt sort of guilty, but then over time I convinced myself it was better this way. There was no room for her in my life anymore, and eventually, over time, I managed to mostly forget about her. It was only every so often that I'd catch a glimpse of her and a sense of nostalgia would sweep over me. I'd think about how it used to be, and I would miss it, yet I never did anything to make it better.

Lately I've been doing some soul searching. Trying to prioritize and get my life in order. Being a wife and mother is what's most important to me. I want to focus on this more and allow some of the fluff of my life to rank lower on the list.

This week I found my opportunity. I was going through e-mails and came across an invite to a MOP's block party. My friend who'd sent it is a considerate, kind gal who has asked me before to attend MOP functions, but I never could quite fit it into my schedule.

I'll admit that at first I was reluctant. I reasoned with myself that I'd gone down this path before with my older two children and it had been fun, however, it was a repeat of the past. Why go there again? But then on the flip side, maybe that is exactly what I needed, maybe a visit to the past would kick-start me in the right direction. I went ahead and RSVP'd.  MOP's focuses on Moms and their young children. What better way to do something for my kids than take them to the park for piñatas and hot dogs. I just knew they'd enjoy it.

So I headed out, got lost on the way (like always), called a friend for directions and finally made it. My friend who'd invited me, very graciously greeted me upon arrival and showed me the ropes, going out of her way to make me feel comfortable. In fact, everyone there was super nice...it was just like the old days.  I relaxed and found that I was actually enjoying myself, and that's when I ran into my old friend. It was myself. The old me. The one who thought life was good, that people were good. That positive side of me who saw the potential in even the silliest of things. And I welcomed that missing part of my personality with open arms, happy to find it again.  (I only hope I can hold onto myself better this time around).