... I do! At least, it's a secret that has helped me and my husband hang on in the hardest of times. I hope it will help you too! Thirteen years ago this month, two crazy kids took the dive into this scary ocean called marriage. At first we were strong swimmers. In these calm loving waters we stayed next to each other, careful not to let the other fall behind or get too far ahead. We were considerate and loving, valuing our spouse above ourselves. This is the way a marriage begins, and if you've been married for any length of time, you know what I'm talking about. Some of the signs may be: puppy dog eyes, tons of PDA, and the constant use of terms such as 'snuggle bunny' and 'love muffin'. It's the phase in a marriage that makes everyone around you want to throw up. I adore this phase. But that's all it is...a phase.
Because no matter what you do, no matter who you are, the novelty will eventually wear off, and the way they loudly chew their food, or the way they pick their toenails, well, it isn't as cute as it used to be. In fact, it's actually rather annoying. But you trudge on, swimming next to each other still, though keeping a little more distance than before.
And then one day those placid calm waters turn stormy and dark. Trust me they always do. Maybe someone loses their job, money gets tight, maybe a parent dies. You name it, all kinds of life experiences can lead up to this point.
It's a frightening thing to look over and see your spouse flailing, or to find you yourself falling behind, unable to swim on, shoved back by the waves of life at its rawest. This is the place where you may be asking yourself if this person is worth it? Do you still want them to swim by your side? You're thinking, "You know, that thing they said the other day really hurt, I'm not even sure I like them, let alone want to spend the rest of my life with them".
And here's the secret that has kept me and my husband on course. It's our motto, and at times I'm positive we've both said it out loud to each other, as well as to ourselves. We were taught this in Engaged Encounter and it really works. But you both have believe it with all your heart.
"Love is a decision, not just a feeling."
This may or may not seem like a no brainer. Maybe some of you are thinking, "Well, duh, I already knew that."
Well, if you already knew, then I say congratulations, your marriage is in excellent shape. You will be one of those people who reach back and grab your partner by the hand, not allowing them to be swept away from your side. Refusing to give up. You will realize that there will be times in your marriage when you don't like your spouse. Marriage is not perfect. People are not perfect. When you want to leave, you won't, because you'll have the foresight to know that if you make the decision to love, it will be the best decision you ever made.
And you will have to make this decision over and over. My husband, bless his heart, I know that at times he wonders what the heck he's doing with this lunatic. I have enough flaws for both of us. But he sticks it out. As do I.
Sometimes we have to search for each other in the storm, but we're always there, our hand stretched out to help the other.
Human love is not perfect, but each time we make the decision to weather the hard times, I've noticed that once the tumultuous waters settle, we are in a more beautiful place than ever before. It's worth it to hang in there because in the end I always find the man I fell in love with in the first place, and I'm always thankful for it.
(I'm linked to Marriage Mondays)
