The Buck Stops Here

I like to think my dad and I have a pretty good relationship. In general, our time together is spent teasing and cajoling. Really picking on each other with equal amounts of caustic humor and biting sarcasm.   Time well spent in my opinion. Honestly, we're cut from the same cloth, ornery, plain and simple. 

Yesterday we were in rare form. One of my ongoing jokes included flipping everything back to him, blaming him for it. Anything that went wrong, I laid at his feet. From losing Mom at the grocery store, to the ill picked restaurant at lunch, to tussles that occurred over fifteen years ago. It was rather amusing-really (you had to be there).
Dad took it in stride, chuckling, shooting it right back. Fun times!


But later I got to thinking, as I tend to do every once in a while. I wondered to myself what it was about this ongoing joke that I found so entertaining? 


I determined it's the irony of it. Pointing the finger and blaming some one else for my own shortcomings. Who really does this? It's preposterous, right?  


Ohhh, this hit a nerve, reminding me of a real pet peeve of mine. So today I've dug out my soap box, polished it up and took my place stage center. Look out! I'm getting ready to rant!

Yes, the blame game is preposterous, but neglecting to take responsibility for our own decisions seems to have become more of the norm than not. I've come to realize that a good amount of our society is more likely to blame someone else for their poor choices, refusing to see themselves as anything but blameless when the poo hits the fan. Somehow they come out pristine, flawless, so quick to turn the fan away from themselves and onto those around them. 


My own darling children have been guilty of this nasty name blaming habit, or um, poo tossing. And of course, it's almost always directed my way.  As their mother, I have heard it all, accused of anything you can think of, but mostly for items that have gone MIA, things, by the way, that I rarely come in contact with. Missing backpacks, lost goggles, lost hairbrushes, lost toothbrushes, missing lunch boxes, even tripping over untied shoe laces (11 y/o). 


I've only just skimmed the surface, honestly, this goes much, much deeper. It's bizarre. I've been blamed for everything from bad weather to dropped ice-cream cones. As if I can manipulate mother nature into opening the sky and purging massive amounts of rain, or use telekinesis to tip ice cream cones from their hands onto the sidewalk below. While it's true that Supermom has mad skills, I haven't quite mastered mind over matter. Yet. :P 


What's worse is that I can't figure out motive. WHY?? would I want to spread misfortune? Logic people, logic. 


I'm of the school of thought that we each need to man up and own our decisions, whether good and bad. I've eaten my fair share of humble pie over the years-and I deserved every bite. But my kiddos don't seem to have this same kind of outlook. Have I somehow messed them up?


I've always been a big believer in natural consequences. What better way to teach our kids without having to make up a ton of extra rules. When experienced in a safe environment, making their own decisions is a terrific way for a child to learn and grow, to sometimes screw up, but also to realize it was their own doing. 


Teach them and then allow them the opportunity to spread their wings and fly. I think that after the age of eight, I've done my job when it comes to the basics. Getting dressed, personal hygiene, keeping track of their own belongings...etc. They know what is expected of them. If they forget to wear their belt to school they may lose a recess,  if they forget their morning snack, they might go hungry until lunch. Both uncomfortable, unpleasant consequences for my kiddo's, but without permanent damage.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about sending them out into the street to learn about the danger of cars. Obviously, this could end quite badly, and would indeed be my fault. And I would own it. 


I'm not sure what I can do differently to make my children more responsible. Any ideas or suggestions are very welcome!