Your children love you, they want to play with you. How long do you think that lasts?...We have a few special years with our children, when they're the ones that want us around. After that you're going to be running after them for a bit of attention. It's so fast Peter. Just a few years, and it's over. And you are not being careful. And you are missing it. (Extract from Hook (Peter Pan's wife, Moira)
Lately these words have been haunting me.
Friday I took my children to the park. I haven't done that kind of thing in a while, just spent time alone with them. Just them-no cell phone, no computer, no current read. It was strange, sitting there over my cheese and crackers with only the sound of their laughter, and the light breeze blowing bits of grass clippings in slow furry whirlpools near my feet. My son's voice could be heard from across the way. I looked for him but only found a beefy tree, its branches so tightly woven that the leaves formed this opaque shield of sorts. In a sing song voice he called out, "Can you see me? Can you see me?"
And I thought to myself, No. I don't see you. I teared up, there on that isolated bench, wondering how I'd gotten to this point. Of course it wasn't the silly tree that I was thinking about, it's the way I've changed as a person. It's as if I don't see my children the way I used to, that I'm missing them. I often wonder how people, but women especially, balance their career with family. It wasn't that long ago that I took my kids to the park several times a week, arranged play-dates, sat with them draped over my knees on the floor of the city library during story time. I was a good mom. Really I was. Now I'm...well, I'm different. I'm busy.
I've seen this from time to time, the absent mother. Last week I had to wait in a parking lot with my foot firmly pressed on the brake, as a little girl danced into the store with her mom. While the little girl pirouetted haphazardly, dawdling in front of my vehicle, her mom chatted on the phone, staring at the sky. I kid you not, eyes blankly riveted at the sky. Clearly she was in her own world, unaware of what was happening around her. We all know how insane parking lots can be, and not everyone is expecting a two foot person to go streaking out in front of them.
Anyway, I'm not looking to blame or find fault. We all have our moments. I guess my question is, in working hard, in pursuing our dreams, how do you find that happy place where no part of your life is suffering? Is it even possible?
This is my favorite wallow song, hope you enjoy!
